Lost one

4

5 months passed.

Miranda looked at her text messages from her son who told her good morning and on Monday could she cook the meal he really likes.

Miranda laughed and told him sure she would cook it but she just wouldn't be home until that night and he would have to ride the bus home.

She thought about that meal and that it was actually Ben's favorite. She would cook it for him every other month on a Sunday or whenever he requested it. It sadden her that it was only a cherish memory now and she hated that. She didn’t want to be a memory. She wanted to be present.

Miranda got up and let Missy outside. She made sure all the gates were closed and that she couldn't get out before she left her out there to play. Missy is a morning person and love morning runs. Miranda and her went for a morning run two days a week at the trail by the lake as recommended by her therapist and Miranda felt better now that she exercises.

Miranda showered and threw on some clothes. Getting ready for the store.

She walked into the neighborhood Walmart and walked onto different aisle grabbing things for this meal and light grocery shopping.

Miranda stood on the aisle and grabbed cans of cream of mushrooms and other cans she needed.

She backed her cart to turn around, when she bumped into someone.

"Sorry sir." Miranda apologized.

"Miranda?"
"Ben?" Miranda said looking up into Ben's face in awe.

"Hey." Miranda greeted now blushing for no reason.

"Hey." Ben responded.

"Sorry about that." Miranda commented.

"It's fine. I wasn't looking either." Ben replied looking her up and down. She looked different. Miranda had lost weight. It looked as if she was getting back to the size of when they first married. He loved her size even years after the wedding but he had to say she looked amazing.

Miranda took the opportunity to look into Ben's cart. She noted the food and she didn't see anything that would have let her know it was for the fire station. Plus, she didn't see another firefighter with him but he was in his uniform.

Ben also took the opportunity to see the items in her cart and something caught his eye.

"You have a dog?" Ben asked lightly.

"Oh yeah we have a mini pinscher. She is almost 1 now in dog years."  Miranda explained.

Ben looked in her cart once more and his mouth watered at the contents inside. Ben saw the Chuck Roast, string beans and stuffing that was inside and he wanted to groan. It was oddly enough his favorite meal and Miranda made it better than his own mother ever did.

Miranda traveled her eyes to where Ben's eyes. "Oh Tuck asked for this meal for Monday night, this quickly became his favorite too, but you know he doesn't come back from his dad until Monday afternoon and I'm going to be working late. So I'm going to cook it today so the left over dinner can be there for him."

Ben nodded meeting her eyes. He would be a liar to say that he didn't miss the face he was staring into.

"If you are not busy. You can come over for dinner." Miranda suggested. She now began to think about what he probably thought. Tuck was gone so why would they have dinner? Would if he was thinking that she was booty calling him ? Did people who do booty calls offer them food first?

"Uh I probably..." Ben started.

"Its just dinner and It's okay if you can't Ben, I just know it's your favorite or was your favorite, I know we aren't on the best terms no pressure." Miranda assured him.

"I will Miranda. Tell me the time Miranda and I will be there." Ben replied putting his hands in his pockets

"I should be done by 6." Miranda told him and Ben nodded.
"Okay great."

"See you this evening and it was good seeing you Benjamin." Miranda smiled before grabbing her cart and pushing it away.

Ben watched her walk away and he took in the light jeans and yellow shirt she was wearing along with black crocs.

It was weird seeing his wife after six months and there was no hug, kiss or any type of embrace. They talked to each other as if they were friends from high-school that just so happen to bump into each other after ten years.

Miranda came home and put her food away before putting the croc pot on with her roast. She set it for 7 hours and walked to her bed room to lay down.

Miranda watched TV and she looked up as Missy came flying around the corner. "Baby girl I told you about running in the house. Come on." Miranda said reaching down to pull her up.

She laughed as Missy got into the bed under the covers.

Miranda lounged around for majority of the day. When 5 came she went into the kitchen and began to cook the sides to her dish. When everything was finished. She cut it on low and then showered to get the food smell off of her. Miranda looked in her closet for something to wear. She didn't want it out of the ordinary and for him to think she put it on for him. So she decided on a simple jean dress that she has woren plenty of times.

Miranda walked out of her bedroom with Missy on her heel. "Go sit." Miranda said pointing before opening the door.


"Hi Ben come in." Miranda said standing at the door as she pulled it open wider for him to come inside.

" Hey I uh bought wine." Ben greeted walking in.

"Ohhh my favorite thanks." Miranda said taking it from him as she walked to the kitchen to put it in the fridge. Miranda washed her hands and began fixing their plates.

Ben looked around at the house and his eyes scanned the room. It honestly hurt him to not see their wedding pictures up anymore and suddenly this home did not feel like his old home anymore but he guessed it wasn't suppose to.

Miranda looked over to see Missy jumping on Ben and barking.

"Missy down girl. You know better than to be jumping on people. It's impolite." Miranda said sternly.

"It's fine Miranda. She's adorable." Ben told her as he petted her.

Miranda set their plates at the counter and she brought out glasses for water and wine.

Ben walked into the kitchen and he watched as Missy followed but then stopped just at the kitchen line. She was well trained Ben noted.

Ben washed his hand and dried them off before taking a seat.

Ben looked at the plate in front of him and groaned. It smelled heavenly and looked delicious.

Miranda took a seat beside him nervous. What are they supposed to talk about.

"What made you get a dog?" Ben asked.

"I gave into Tuck. He played me really. He knew exactly what to ask me and at the right moment. When I wasn't myself 6 months ago." Miranda explained and Ben knew that she was talking about them splitting officially.

Ben smiled at the thought of Tuck. "Yeah he definitely played his cards right to get you to agree on a dog." Ben laughed.

"Yeah but now I honestly love her, she is more my dog than she is his. She reminds me of myself. She is so small but has a big dog demeanor. She really thinks she’s a big dog." Miranda laughed. "And she is so bossy and smart. We go toe to toe sometimes but I had to let her know that mama is in charge and she can't run me. I do give in sometimes just like I do Tuck. I let her sleep in my bed twice a week and she's knows that schedule along with anything else." Miranda explained.

"So how are you?" Miranda asked eating and taking a sip of her glass of wine.

"I've been doing good for the most part. I have started my physician response team, thank you for signing off on that by the way." Ben said pausing.

"Oh no problem." Miranda answered with a smile.

"So tell me about it. How was the first day using it." Miranda asked.

"We had a four car crash out on Elliot. There was this young woman in her sophomore year of college. Whose lung collapse because of the impact and her rib was puncturing it and she had a liver lack and was bleeding. So I went in and performed a thoracoscopy and repaired her liver then brought her into Seattle Press to take her the rest of the way and fix her broken rib. She is in excellent condition now and she actually sent me a card telling me that she finished her sophomore year and in August will start her junior year. " Ben explained and Miranda cheesed, she was really proud of him.

"I'm proud of you. Good job Ben. You thought of a way to put all of your careers together and that's impressive." Miranda said and Ben smiled, it felt good to hear her say that.

"So you are back as chief." Ben stated more than asking.

"Yeah, after going to therapy and getting my OCD in check which got out of hand really bad like 8 months ago. She prescribed me new medication so that has helped me relax and function. I took off for a while to get my mind and body back and I am better now." Miranda explained.

" we got a new hyperbaric chamber added to the hospital." Miranda told him.

"Oxygen therapy?" Ben questioned.
"Mmm-hmm it has been a great addition and very helpful to speeding up and healing carbon monoxide poisoning, gangrene, stubborn wounds, and infections in which tissues are starved for oxygen." Miranda explained eating.

"Dam that was smart, you are a great chief."

"Thank you  Doctor Warren." Miranda smiled.

"So I heard about Grey's column." Ben voiced lightly knowing that it was probably a touchy subject for Miranda.

"Ben you don't even know the half of it, that woman has been a pain my ass since her intern year." Miranda stressed.

"So get this. She has this patient who didn't have medical insurance because her father was undocumented and she switched the paper work and file it as her daughter who had the surgery."

Ben eyes widen in shock.  "insurance fraud." Ben said drastically and Miranda eyes him giving him a look to say exactly.

"Stupid right!?"
"And don't get me wrong it was heroic and very self-less but she put my job and the hospital on the line and I taught her better than that. Think and come up with another way. Send her case to the foundation and ask them to fund it. Why not do the surgery and then I ask me to file it as probono and then when probono surgery day that is established at the hospital comes. She just wouldn't be allowed to participate because she already did hers. Anything but she chose to be illegal. Like grow up you have children to think about at the end of the day. So, I had no choice but to fire her plus, I'm having a meeting with Catherine and she just waltz in saying she committed it. Like what the hell was I suppose to do."

"The insurance company pressed charges and she was prosecuted, leading her to be sentenced to court-mandated community service, and also placed on trial for her medical license. I thought that was a bit too far. She Is a dam good doctor." Miranda said softly pausing to eat and sit her wine.

Ben nodded.  He knew Miranda was stressed about it "and I also fired Richard and Alex."

"What?" Ben gasped.

"They helped her. I just don't understand Richard. He will let that woman drag him to hell and back. All because what you fucked her mom and you two were lovers. Like Richard that was years ago and her life was not ruined for that. I Mean it could have made it harder but do you know how many other kids parents split and what not and she made it. Like he let's that guilt eat him alive but she is fine and it's not relevant anymore. He can't be held accountable for what she does in her adult life , hell look at Joe and Alex both of them made it under worse conditions and I understand trauma is different for every one but why should she get passes for the rest of her life. Anyway then she gets mad because the courts is reprimanding her and she writes this stupid ass column and now patients don't even want to come to us anymore, meaning she is costing me even more money." Miranda huffed and blew out a breath.

"Sorry for my tangent. It just felt good to finally talk about it with someone and get it out."

"You are fine Miranda. I'm glad I could be a listening ear and I brought it up anyway. I'm sorry that you were stressed like that too. "

"Well I can tell you that I don't know how long Prt will last. It probably will be recalled and retired, if the problem I just experienced is discovered." Ben sighed.

Miranda raised her eyebrow telling him to elaborate. "I was counting my drugs yesterday to keep track and it was a 500 mcg/10 ml bottle of fentanyl missing."

Miranda gasped. " Ben." 

"I know." Ben sighed.
"Any idea who." Miranda asked.

"Robert."

"Sullivan Dam. He had that injury." Miranda remembered.

"Yeah but he needs help. You know how many over doses people have from that drug specifically."

"Yeah the percentage is a scary amount." Miranda agreed.

"I'm sorry Ben." Miranda said touching his right hand in comfort. Ben looked down at her left hand and he saw that her rings were off. He looked for the line that would be there if she recently took it off and it wasn't which caused him even more hurt.

"If it comes down to it. I can try to write a letter or something stating that mistakes happen and why you need and the city deserves this." Miranda expressed before she realized she was touching his hand and removed it quickly. Flashing him apologetic eyes.

"Thanks Miranda but no, you don't need the hospital dragged into it." Ben assured her.

"Ben."

"No seriously Miranda and Tuck has gotten so much taller." Ben mused changing the subject.

"He definitely has. He really loves basket ball too."

"I know I saw a couple of them...we really have a great son." Ben beamed.

"That we do." Miranda agreed.

"This food is so good Miranda." Ben praised and Miranda smiled "thanks Ben, you know I don't cook."

"But when you do it's amazing." Ben complimented.

"Hey, how is your mother and father?" Ben asked.

"My dad is good,
a little overwhelmed because my mother was diagnosed with the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s but other than that everything's is great with them."

"Well how are you doing with that?" Ben asked as he sat his fork down, finished with his plate.

He watched as Miranda stood and grabbed their plates keeping her head down.

"Um I'm doing fine. It was unavoidable I guess. Her progression is moving a little fast but- " Miranda stopped looking at Missy who was walking into the kitchen by the back door.

"Good girl Missy." Miranda praised but Ben good hear the sadness and her voice breaking. Miranda parents meant everything to her and he knew that the only reason she stood to wash dishes is so she wouldn't cry about it.

Miranda opened the back door to let Missy out and she cut on the back porch light before standing outside to get some air.

Missy used the bathroom and walked passed Miranda back into the house. Once Miranda felt okay. She turned around and walked straight into Ben.

"I'm two and 0 today. Sorry about that again." Miranda joked lightly. Ben didn't know what exactly came over him other than the urge to comfort her. He pulled Miranda into him and wrapped his arms around her back squeezing tight.

Miranda took in Ben's scent and she cried. "It hurts Ben and I haven't dealt with how I felt about it yet. I noticed that she kept asking me the same thing or forgetting things but I thought she was just getting older. Last week it was confirmed when an officer pulled her over for driving on the wrong side of the road. My dad had to hide her keys from her and she thinks she just can't find them because he was tired if arguing with her about her not driving because she can't even remember that. She knew it was coming and she didn't want to say anything. My dad found a map in her car. With the grocery store marked, church and the pharmacy and she kept sticky notes to remember things." Miranda cried and Ben listened.

After she calmed down. Miranda wiped her eyes and backed away from him.

"Thanks." Miranda said as they walked inside. "Of course." Ben responded.

Ben and Miranda continued talking telling each other things as he washed dishes and she sat.

Miranda don't know why she did this to herself because now that she was here, she hated for him to go.

"It was good catching up with you and running into you." Miranda smiled softly.

"Same here. Thanks for my favorite meal." Ben replied with a smile.

"Goodnight Benjamin Warren."

"Goodnight Miranda Bailey and Missy Bailey." Ben smiled and Miranda laughed looking over at Missy before back at him as she opened the door and watched him leave.