58: Happy Without Me

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Days had gone by, a full week had gone by and his touch, voice and scent drifted through my mind. I was too proud to beg for him back, when he had hurt me more than he realized, he stood there as I begged him to tell me he wanted me. But his silence scarred me more than his words could ever.

"Smoothie?", Avery asked as she handed me a mango smoothie, the color of yellow reminding me of how I felt when I was with him, happy.

"Have you heard anything?", I asked her as she had just gotten off a call from Tyler. She shook her head as my expression fell yet again. I asked myself at night why I didn't go home, leave my stubbornness here and say that I didn't care, I didn't care if he hated me, if I was too much for him, because I just needed to feel his touch again, his lips again. But I never could, and the end of the day I spent alone, in a large bed on an exotic and romantic island.

"I was thinking we should go out tonight", Avery suggested as I looked down at my butterfly fuzzy pants and up at the sun set.

"Come on, please", she begged as I sipped on the sweet nectar smoothie.

"Fine, as long as I get to leave when I want", my one condition she agreed too and dragged me to her closet, she threw multiple dresses at me as I flipped through each one trying to figure out what dress to wear.

"This one is perfect", she held it up as I starred at it with a questionable expression. It was short and tight, and just something I would never wear.

"I don't know if I should go", I spoke hesitantly as I saw her expression, she tried to persuade me but I wouldn't budge.

"I didn't want to tell you this but Nolan is out he's partying, see", she unlocked her phone as I saw him drinking an exotic drink as girls wrap around him and I couldn't seem to notice Tiffany trying to get his attention.

" that's not him, right", I roam the picture to the center as I see his bright smile, but I try to hide the fact that I know it's him. He could've been the guy in the background, the stripper for all I care but he was happy, happy without me.

"Listen he still loves you I know he does, but I think he's just angry and going drinking and hanging out with girls, cools him off", she explained but it didn't make me feel better, not at all. How could she say that was an excuse to do this? How could she not understand the rage coursing through me? He was dirt to me, any of of his explanations wouldn't make sense, I was tired of him saving his own ass in the end. But he wasn't the only one who could have all the fun, two can play at this game, dearest husband.

I grabbed the tight dress and put it over my head, he didn't miss me, but like hell I missed him.

He doesn't miss me, what was I thinking, that he would come down here and declare his love for me and we'd promise to try together. This is not a movie or a romantic love story, it's my fucked up life that I eventually have to fix.

"You ready?", Avery peered in as she came back in a red silk dress that flowed from each way. It reminded me of that night on the beach as he said he loved me over and over again.

"Yeah", I ran my fingers over my wedding ring, wondering if it had left his finger yet, or had he kept it on. I slid mine back on as a sign of the future and forgetting the past.

I stared at myself in the mirror, trying to feel that love and laughter that surrounded me when I was with him. I longed for that feeling, but I knew deep down that no one not even myself could love me just as much as he did. The words prevailed me as I stood tracing my body just like he would on cold stormy nights. I missed him, but did he miss me?

Nolan's POV
My hands were cold, my heart was numb as I slept on the lonely couch hoping to wake up from this horrid dream. I didn't realize just how much she had changed me until she left, how much she had changed my bachelor pad, it didn't reek of fancy cologne but of sunshine, the bed smelt of us together creating a scent I wish I could savor forever. The bathroom smelt of her sweet perfume and the smell of the red nail polish she painted delicately on her stubby toes. I wasn't mad at her, how could I. It just struck me how much she knew so much about my life and I didn't know much about hers. I don't know why I left and I wish I could explain it, I went up and down on the elevator like a mad man and as I saw a couple getting on holding hands, I knew that she was the one, the other stuff didn't matter. I went back to the apartment in a rage, but when I arrived she was gone.

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