Speak Up // Lams

Chapter 21

tw: eating disorders

• John's POV •

Today's finally the day. Alex and I are going to see the community production of RENT tonight. I could tell at school that he was super excited; he was fidgeting was more than usual and everytime he'd catch my eye, he would beam at me. It was absolutely adorable.

After school, Alex did his work (even though it was a Friday, he always does it straight after school. He's practically a workaholic.) and began to get dressed.

"Babe, can I please come in there and see how cute you are?" I begged from outside our bedroom door. He knocked twice from the inside to tell me 'no'. I groaned in fake frustration but I really did want to see him. After a few more minutes of sitting against the door, painstaking impatience practically destroyed me, he opened it up and looked down at me.

I jumped up and wanted to kiss him as soon as I saw him. He looked so adorable, with his blue, long sleeved button up and dark jeans. He was smiling so big and it made me so happy to see him happy, especially after the fight yesterday.

"You look... Wow." I mumbled, still looking him up and down. He looked away and blushed, still smiling, and shyly kissed me.

So do you. He signed when we pulled apart. I thanked him and looked at the clock, realizing we probably needed to head to dinner.

"Hey, listen, I don't want to start a fight about this whole thing but after the show or tomorrow morning, we really do need to talk about this whole not eating thing, ok? I'm getting really worried about you." I said softly as I drove, putting my hand on his knee. I looked at him and saw him nod a little bit, looking down in what seemed like shame.

"I love you." I said to cheer him up, and he signed it back, picking my hand up and kissing it. I smiled at the feeling and continued to drive to the restaurant, still wondering whether or not I could get him to eat tonight.

That proved to be harder than I thought it would. We were now sat at a table, me drinking a Coke while he just sipped on water.

"Cmon Alex, you don't want to be hungry at the show! Just eat something small, please?" I begged, taking his hand across the table. He looked up at me with an exasperated sigh and finally gave a small nod. I sat upright and beamed, happy that he was choosing to eat.

"Great! What do you want?" I asked. Alex scanned the menu for a moment and pointed to a picture of a small salad. I looked up and asked if he was sure, secretly hoping he'd choose something bigger. But he nodded and I went with it, knowing that if I pushed too hard he'd get upset. I placed our order and we sat together, him getting increasingly more excited about the show.

I was purposely asking questions to get him excited, things like "which song do you think will be the best?" We did this until our food arrived.

I watched subtly from the corner of my eye as he picked and pushed around his salad. He noticed me looking at him and forced himself to take a few small bites, but as soon as he thought I'd looked away, he'd go back to picking at it.

"How is it?" I asked, pointing to his food as I ate a French fry. He nodded to say it was good and ate a couple bites, probably just to make me less suspicious.

I paid the check and right before I got it back he excused himself to go to the bathroom. I came up with a quick plan in my head, knowing it was wrong. But I needed answers. After I got the check back just seconds later, I crept silently to the bathroom and walked in, listening for Alex and the sounds I'd been hearing after every meal with him.

Sure enough, less than a minute later I heard the quiet retching sounds. I put my hand over my mouth in shock as the things I already knew were confirmed.

I couldn't help but stand there until I heard the sounds stop and the stall unlock. I rushed out before he could see me and sat back at the table. All I could think was poor Alex.

He came out of the bathroom looking slightly more pale than when he entered and I faked a smile and told him we could go. He grinned back at me and nodded.

The drive to the theatre was filled with silent excitement on Alex's part and silent shock and concern on mine. While he bounced around in his seat, I sat totally still in mine, still thinking of what happened at the restaurant.

We watched the show without any problems, except for Alex and I both sobbing our hearts out at Angels death, and went back home, Alex still buzzing the whole way. I loved the show, but I couldn't help letting my mind go back to what I knew I needed to address when we got home.

Pulling into the apartment lot, Alex suddenly began to remember our conversation from earlier and he wasn't as happy as before.

The tension as we entered the apartment was higher than it had ever been as we both mentally prepared ourselves.

I inhaled deeply as we sat down on the bed together.

"So..."