Danem

Recapping the Trauma

Zim swallowed hard as he approached what he had come to consider his home. He'd given himself a day, sending GIR ahead of himself as a messenger. GIR had gone to the hospital where Dib had made a full recovery, and to Zim's home where his family was waiting. GIR reported back that they would all be waiting for him in the living room, and that his family had retrieved Tiana from the police station where she had been transferred. Zim had sent him back one more time, asking that Tiana not be part of the meeting. He wasn't sure if he could even look at her again.

Red had opted to sit on the nearest bus bench halfway down the street and wait. With his holographic disguise, there wouldn't be an issue.

Zim approached the house, raising a hand to knock, when the door swung open.

A crying face and flying black hair was all he could make out before he was tackled to the ground by Mikko, who clung to him, shouting, "You idiot, you're both idiots! Don't ever do that again! I don't care what it was, don't do it again!"

Zim grimaced, his PAK digging into his back. Carefully he scooted into a sitting position on the porch, holding Mikko, feeling the shame starting up.

A dark, powerful hand settled on Mikko's shoulder, tugging her to her feet. "Let him explain, Mikko." Tom said. Zim could hear the tension in his voice, and knew that if Tom was on edge, Della was probably fit to strangle him with his own organs.

Head lowered, he stood, entering the living room. He glanced up long enough to see Della pacing across the far end of the room. The carpet under her feet was slightly darker than the rest of the floor, indicating she had been doing this for quite some time. Possibly longer than this day even. Mikko had taken a seat on the right side of the couch. Tom settled his bulk into the Lay-Ze-Boi across from the couch. Dib sat in a wheelchair, also across from the couch, his shoulder heavily bandaged and both his legs in casts. His expression was strained, great rings circling under his eyes, which remained fixed on the couch. Obviously, Zim gathered, he was meant to sit there.

No Tiana in sight, at least.

Zim carefully seated himself on the left end of the couch, folding his hands, and staring down at the carpet. His spooch twisted at the heavy silence in the room, broken only by Mikko blowing her nose, and Della's frenetic footsteps. His antennae lowered, and he said, quietly, "I don't know where to start, someone please ask something."

"What the hell were you doing?" Dib stared at him, eyes narrowed. "I saw you in that cell. What did you think you were doing, being a good big brother?"

Zim cringed. He hadn't expected that to be the very first question. "I—"

"And why didn't you come to me? I told you over and over to come to me, tell me what's going on, that I can help you! No, what do you do? You let Gaz walk all over you. Idiot! I have years of experience dealing with Gaz. Morflar or not, I could have talked her into whatever you needed, she listens to me when it's really important!"

"I—"

"Just because Red's your Dad doesn't mean you have to run and hide like a coward from everyone else. Did you choose him over us? Did you? Just because he's your kind and we're not?"

Zim's head lowered into his hands.

"Dib, would you shut up and let him say something?" Della snapped from across the room. Dib subsided into an angry glower, as Zim attempted to pull together some kind of answer.

After a long pause, he began.

"No... I did not choose him over you. Gaz began coming to me, insisting that I leave, before I even knew. Then I found out, and she became even more insistent, saying my family would be in danger... so I said I would leave, as long as she gave me Red. She did... but he was..." He felt sick as he recalled the state of his Tallest that night. "...as good as dying. I needed medical equipment this planet does not have. DarkBooty found GIR, and used him to track me, and offered an exchange. That I come in for non-surgical testing and questions for a week, and he would give me the med pod. I knew he was up to something, but I needed that pod, so I agreed.

"It was mostly innocuous testing, until Gaz came again, insisting we had to leave, or she'd take Red back. I didn't understand why she was so insistent, but I bargained with the Eyeball to reduce my time in testing for more severe tests, as long as they didn't cut me open, and DarkBooty agreed. The last day I was supposed to go in..." His eyes flew open a moment.

"Your father came down here too, blasting away. Dropped several of our guards, irritating to say the least. But he's lying with them now, gathering flies."

He'd forgotten... he glanced over to Dib, eyes wide. "Dib, your father, did he—"

Dib shut his eyes, turning his head away. Zim lowered his head back into his hands, resuming his story in a toneless voice. "He came and found me, and told me who my... who my biological mother was. I understood why Gaz wanted me gone, I understood why I had to leave. Besides all that... I'm a monster to her. She's said so herself." He took a deep, trembling breath. "So I left him and went to the Eyeball. Along the way, I found out Tiana had been abducted on the news." He closed his eyes. "I knew what it meant. But if I went to anyone else, they would hurt her.

"So I went. And found out, I'd only traded myself for her physical safety. They weren't going to let her go." He rocked a little at the memory of the despair he'd felt. "They cut me, and they put me in the cell. They'd put a screen on the wall for her to watch. I told her to shut her eyes, that it wasn't real, that we could get through it." His voice was raw. "She gave me hope. That maybe I could survive whatever they threw at me, as long as I could see her, and protect her.

"He knew it. DarkBooty... curse him... knew it. He... he took me into a room and told me..." shame rolled up from his spooch, choking at his voice. His shoulders began to shake, and he began to break down. "Please... I would have taken anything they would have done to me, but... please don't think...."

A gentle hand lay on his shoulder. He looked up to see Mikko had scooted across the couch, and was gripping his shoulder, her eyes moist. "Zim. Tell us."

He shut his eyes again, digging his claws into his pant legs. "He ordered me to mate with Tiana. That if I did not within two hours, he would send her to Irk." He doubled over, clutching his face.

"Irk... you can't know, you can't," he moaned, trying to keep from breaking down entirely. "Anything the Swollen Eyeball could do here on Earth can be done on Irk with 200% more accuracy, more pain. They specialize in finding species weaknesses and exploiting them to the fullest extent. I know. I was there. I helped make it happen sometimes. I couldn't... I couldn't let her be sent there... not knowing what would happen... but I couldn't see her... be like your mother, Dib... I can't watch her become a shell, I can't stand to see your faces after, I can't hurt my sister like that..." He was vaguely aware he had slipped into present tense, but it seemed trivial. He felt every terrible moment of the situation pressing down on him, and he couldn't even lift his head to gauge the reaction of his family. He whispered, "I didn't see any other way out. I waited, until the two hours were almost up... then... I..."

"He was about to kill her." Dib finished, his voice subdued. "You were gonna kill yourself too, weren't you?"

Zim nodded his head with the barest of motions. His voice was almost inaudible. "I couldn't see any other way." Gathering his courage, he raised his face to meet Della's stare, an unreadable expression on her face. His vision was distorted, as he pleaded. "I tried. I didn't see a way out. I'm sorry."

Dib exhaled a long breath. "Idiot." He shook his head. "I get it. But you never give up like that. Did you really think we wouldn't find you?"

Zim dropped his head again, nodding. Mikko's hand moved from his shoulder around his arm, pulling him into a tight hug. He leaned into the much-needed embrace, a few tears trailing down his face.

A second pair of arms wrapped around him, and he broke down.

"You weren't supposed to be here!" He wailed. "You weren't supposed to hear—"

Tiana's voice was shaky. "Hid in the closet... I wanted to know. Zim," she hugged him tighter. "You did your best. You were trying your hardest. I get it. Promise. I'm not mad. Well, I'm mad you lied, but you protected me. You kept your promise."

And for the second time in his life, the mighty Invader Zim completely lost control. Held on either side by a sister, he let all defenses disintegrate, and wept.