Danem

Silently Grieving

Note: For full effect of what Della is seeing, transformationwise, read chapter 9 of Maneem (the first story in this series), then this chapter.

...

Della watched the scene before her with a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach. This was all wrong, all of it. She remembered Zim when he'd first come to them. Angry, arrogant, defiant and obnoxious. She remembered the one moment when he had frightened her most, when she had seen a side of him she never wanted to see again. She'd seen, and recognized in him, the potential to slaughter and destroy without remorse.

Even then, he'd willingly dived into a swimming pool to save Tiana. Before they'd fully incorporated him into their family.

She'd come to realize that Zim's violence and rage was a product of trauma and insanity, a defense mechanism to enable his survival in a harsh, cruel society. That, when those layers of insanity were peeled back, he was little more than a child, needing love and support, like any other child.

Not that he wasn't fully capable. It was difficult, at times, for Della to balance seeing Zim as a functioning adult of an alien species, and the broken child who'd clung to her, calling her Mommy in his own language.

But he'd been shattered so many times. Between the cruelties of Irk and Earth together, it was a marvel he hadn't returned to his efforts of enslaving humans, turning back on them the horrors he had been made to endure here. And yet, there he sagged on the couch, between her daughters, once again the broken child. He'd been faced with two equally unacceptable scenarios, and chosen an only slightly less unacceptable alternative. Could she fault him for that? Could she blame him for not being able to see a way out, when his mind was so often clouded by his fears and despair?

And he hadn't been the one to suggest the sick experiment with her daughter. It had been DarkBooty.

And after all this, after he'd given his all and thrown himself between their family and danger, he was terrified that they would throw him out. It was painfully obvious in the way that he clung to the girls, sobbing so hard he was almost retching.

She glanced over to Tom, who watched the scene before him sorrowfully. He turned his head to look at Della, and she could read on his face that he'd already come to the same conclusion. An irrational irritation hit her. He'd probably come to this before Zim had even finished speaking, he was always a step ahead.

Not the time. She turned to the couch and walked over. "Mikko, Tiana, can I?"

The girls held onto Zim a moment longer, before pulling away. Blindly, Zim reached after them in anxiety. Della caught his hand, and he froze. She settled next to him. He wasn't as small as he was seven years ago, and she couldn't quite hold him like she did then, but she pulled his head against her shoulder, and wrapped her arms firmly around him.

"You did the best you could, Zim." She rested her head on his, gently. "Nobody will fault you for doing the best you could. That's all that's expected of anybody in this family, that they do the best they can."

Zim remained frozen for a moment, and she wondered briefly if he'd fainted. Then, he was clinging to her, his sobs reduced to silent, hissing cries. His antennae quivered, and Tiana perched on the arm of the couch. Wiping her eyes with one hand, she reached the other out, stroking his antennae gently.

Within moments, the tears began to subside, and his grip on Della loosened. He rubbed his eyes, trying to catch his breath. "That was not supposed to go like that," he managed, weakly.

"I think what happened was exactly what needed to happen." Tom stated firmly.

Dib cleared his throat. "Zim. I know it's been a rough week... but... I'd appreciate it if you could at least see Mom."

Zim looked up at Dib, questioningly.

"Gaz gathered from Mom that she sent Dad to look for you when she was calm enough to think straight. She wanted to see you to apologize... she's not going to be in any shape to do that though. Gaz got the news from me... and she gave it to Mom. She caught me on my way out of the hospital. She says Mom hasn't moved from her chair since Gaz told her."

Zim rubbed his arms, looking unsure. Della felt a small twist in her stomach, but forced a smile. "It's alright, Zim, you should go see your maneem."

"She's not my Maneem." The reponse came so quickly, it surprised her. Zim looked up at her, full in the face. "She is my Mother. But she is not my Maneem. That title only belongs to one person."

The smile that crossed her face was anything but forced this time.

Dib's glare bored into Zim. "She may not be your 'Maneem' but she is mine, and she's the only parent I have left. Treat her gently."

Zim stood, looking exhausted. Quietly, he replied, "I know she is, Dib. And she is my Mother. I will treat her with all the respect she deserves." He walked forward, placing a hand on Dib's good shoulder. "We were already brothers before this, Dib. I know I made bad choices. But I am still learning." He paused, and finished softly, "And I am sorry, that some of my decisions cost you."

Dib looked away from Zim, clenching his jaw for a moment, before raising his good hand to awkwardly grab Zim's. "You're an idiot." He muttered.

Zim sighed. "So everyone tells me. We go now to see... mother. Yes?"

...

Zim walked through the door of the house he'd visited so often before. He'd passed by Red, still sitting at the bus bench. He passed by, holding one hand slightly away from his side, in a gesture to wait, he'd be back. Now, he passed through the living room, walking toward the dining room.

She sat with her back to the door, all he could see was her purple hair. Her body was held stiff and motionless. He came around the side of her, and saw her face, strained and pale. There was no redness or puffiness around her eyes, that usually accompanied human crying. Just a still, blank, disbelief.

He pulled out a chair, sitting beside her carefully. Her expression didn't even flicker.

"Hello... mother." He said quietly.

No response.

"From what I gather... nothing happened the way anybody wanted it to. But I am here, as you asked."

Nothing.

Looking down, he saw her hands, clenched tightly at her sides. Reaching over, he took one of her fists, gently, and began uncurling her fingers. "I can't apologize for what I am. I can't change that I am Irken." He slipped his hand into hers. "Whatever you may think of me, I will be here for you, whether out of sight or closer." He paused, seeing her mouth tremble. "I do not know your grief. But I have known grief too." His hand closed around hers. "If you hold onto it, it will drive you mad. If you release it, you come through the other side, stronger."

Slowly, Gloria listed slightly to the side, toward Zim. Alarmed, he released her hand, catching her as she slumped over. She remained like that in his arms, motionless for a moment, before reaching up, slowly, and taking his hand.

Zim supported her with one arm, using his free hand to hold hers. Silence stretched out between them, and Zim settled back in his chair, holding Gloria in her silent grief.

"I will be here for you." He repeated. "I promise." Before lapsing back into silence.

...

Note: One more chapter, and then the next installment in the series! The name of the next story will be revealed in... ah forget it, I should write it down now before I forget. It's going to be Sempadinum. What's it mean? Well... you'll just have to stick around to find out now, won't you?