He never knew why he pushed people away. He knew he did not mean to but he still he still did it.
If only he could understand.
Understand why he said he would give up the world for the people he loved but did not do so.
It hurt so much.
Being at cross roads.
Having to choose between what he loved and what he worked his entire life for.
And as much as it had hurt, he had chosen.
Without knowing it, he had made the impossible.
But it was the wrong decision.
Probably the worst decision he had ever made in his thirty two years of existence.
Sighing, he put the shirt back and took out another one.
Putting it on, he grabbed his phone, keys and wallet.
He stepped out of his house. It was slightly drizzling but he did not mind.
He needed to clear his head his head.
He started off with a jog passing by his neighbour's.
All houses here were really huge and beautiful, just like his. He wondered if the people inside felt as though their houses were as soulless as did he.
He had pondered over moving out and selling the house severally but he always pushed away the idea.
The house held too many memories for him to sell it.
He picked up his pace as the rain started to increase.
He listened as the drops fell onto the pavement and as his feet pounded against it.
There was something about it that always seemed to calm him down.
It might have been how the drops fell onto the ground and splashed. Or how cold they felt against his skin. Or how they drenched his clothes, making them stick to his skin.
There was a beauty to rain that he never understood, maybe even a mystery.
He was now heading into open land, where palm trees scattered around and sand was everywhere.
The beach.
Who didn't love it?
He did. Used to, anyway.
Now it was yet another reminder of another broken promise, another broken heart, another dream he crushed.
He had confessed his love on a beach along with a lot of promises only to break all of them.
He slowed his pace.
The rain was still pouring, it's intensity increasing as the minutes passed by.
He was breathing heavily.
He took out his shoes and dug his toes into the sand.
It felt good, almost relaxing.
He walked towards the ocean and stood at the shore.
He stared at the ocean waves as they crashed against the ground. Rising in speed and momentum, gaining strength, heading towards land as if they were going to break through only for them to crash back into the ocean.
He chuckled bitterly.
They were just like him.
He had committed to Adam with so much vigour only for him to back down at the last minute.
Guess what his mother told him was true.
"You'll always be a coward if you can't even defend your friend from those bullies when you know you can."
Yeah, the truth hurt like a bitch.
