Trae The Thug

Short Poem 3

Hello, my dear friend. You've been right beside me since the age of ten. Telling me how I'm not worthy to live this already lonely, depressed life I live. You crawl into my thoughts at night, like the man who crawled between my thighs telling me to stay quiet in the dead of the night. Mute, I cease to speak afraid of what he might do if I call out. "Don't move!" He says, "I'm not going to hurt you." His eyes bare the lies behind those nasty riddled rhymes, as my tears trick my eyes to believe I'm not seeing a monster, a friend, not foe. My air gets trapped in my throat as I bubble up a loud, silent "No!" No, I think, please don't. Why take away me because your sick and in need... to please, your darkened demons who you've seem to release upon ME. A child. A child whose smile used to be crooked with hope and dreams. I begged you, "Please!" As your hand lied on my head, down to my eyes, and brushed passed my cheek. "Don't touch me," I scream. But the only one who hears is my friend. Laughing, telling me it's my fault. Ugly girls deserve everything that comes there way. There's no fight left, there's no voice left for me to say, "Hey, please, please make them go away." Cause if I do, they deem me crazy. Telling me I won't graduate without a baby. I made it. But it's not enough, cause as soon as I think I'm doing right, here comes my old time buddy, the one who let me experiment. The same old song that replayed through my memory telling me of others stories and how they were better off. "That could be you too. Its easy I'll show you." So in the middle of the night I wrote my final goodbyes, took off in the wisp of the night. "Goodbye mother." I whisper. Cause in my head it would be the last time I would hear her soothing voice, telling me that everything is FINE. Fine, that's what I was told. Its okay to be lonely and in a deep hole that keeps getting deeper as I grow old. Never allowing for my escape because it needs me! Without me, it would cease to be so it tells me things. It tells me how I feel over and over again. I can't take it, as I begin to break down, it never stops. "Take your life." I do everything I can to get them thoughts out my mind but it pushes back harder. "I SAID DO IT!" It yells. I flinch, afraid of the pinch. That I feel on my skin as it rips. Shredded to pieces by a knife that's as sharp as fine point needles. I hiss at the pain as I drag what remains across my already bleeding wrists. "It won't take long." I lie down and wait for it to pass. For all those things that happened to go away as my breathing begins to get hindered, upheld in surrender. Surrender. I surrendered. I let the devil win. Before I close my eyes, in the distance it stands. A disappointed figure. My mother, the one I'd cause pain to. I get back up, grab a towel and with the rest of my strength I push against my wounds as it hurts, throbs and screams out. The blood begins to trickle as it stops pouring out. My soul. Gone. Washed away with the rest of the blood that sits in a pool on the bathroom floor. I sit on the toilet seat crying away the thoughts and pain that I feel now looking at the mess I've made. My old friend gets angry and makes me look toward the inviting knife, once again I pick it up and say forget it. Then a foe to my old friend taps me on the shoulder. I look over. To see my mother crying over a casket I walk faster, I look in. Only to see me staring back, except I have no eyes, no lips, no nose. I try to yell out "that's not me. Mama! I'm right here." Only to wake up from a dark dream. Suicide, my best friend. Has yet again, played a terrible trick on me. "You'll never win!" He says. "And neither will you," I reply back slyly as I burn all the taunted lies, forbidden secrets, and misguided books. I whisper to my friend as I hold my light in the palms of my hands and read, "The LORD is on my side; I will not fear: what can man do unto me?" It withers back screeching in pain from agony of hearing those words. With a victorious smile, and a triumphant wave, I finally get to say, "I win. You lose." Goodbye old friend, for you will not win. For I am beautiful, and you're just a lying, manipulative sin. That I, A'Ziya Serai, refuse to commit.