I was catching up with my friend Angela - who had a son at the same University Mia went to, when I received her text. It hurt to see it, it felt like a break up. I didn't want to ask Mia why she didn't want to do it anymore, it would be weird and unnecessary. We didn't have to explain ourselves when it was time for us to stop doing what we did. Maybe she was tired of me, maybe she found a better...fuck buddy.
I couldn't sleep that night or the night after or the one after that. I got her in my mind. But I couldn't tell her that; what was the point with that? She wanted a younger man, one close to her age, someone to be able to be next to her her whole life. Me, I was just an old man. She didn't want me.
There wasn't a single day I didn't think about her and it drove me insane. I had never felt that way for someone, ever. It was driving me crazy and the shitty thing was that I couldn't do anything about it. Maybe if I didn't see her at all I'd be able to forget about her. The fucking problem was that Angela invited me to her son's, also Mia's, graduation day, which meant that I could see her there. I mean, of course I'd see her there...she'd be called up on stage so it was inevitable.
*
I met up with Angela in the parking lot. She was so excited that she couldn't stop talking and to be honest it was a bit annoying. Or maybe it was me who had a fucking problem because Mia was on my mind. Just her, nothing else.
The university had a gigantic back garden where the ceremony took place, so Angela and I took our seats at the back and waited for it to start.
''I can't believe my son is graduating'' Angela said from beside me as she wiped her tears and looked at her son receiving his diploma.
''Bet you're proud'' I replied.
When they announced they were going to call up the Film Editing and Montage program my heart started racing. What the fuck, man? I was feeling like a stupid teenager with a crush, though ten thousand times stronger.
''Let's go meet up with Jake'' Angela said as she got up, ready to go hug her son.
''I...I'll be there in a bit. I know someone who studied this program'' I smiled at her, trying not to be rude.
''Oh, that's alright. You know where we are'' she smiled back at me and caressed my shoulder before she left. I knew she was flirting with me, she had been ever since we met up at that bar. Ever since the night Mia...fuck, Jeffrey. Stop it.
''Mia Hall'' I heard suddenly and my heart went crazy with its beats. I looked up at the stage and saw her, as beautiful as ever, graduation gown covering her body. She received her diploma with her head up, proudly, and she smiled her most gorgeous smile. God, I wanted to hug her so bad. I wanted to be the one she went to after receiving her well deserved diploma. I wanted to be the one to hug her tightly, spoil her with flowers and whatever she wanted, to kiss her soft lips and tell her how proud I was of her.
After a while, when I got up to head towards Angela and Jake and oh god, I saw her again, across the whole garden. Out of everyone, out of all the people out there my eyes landed on her and only her and I knew I was crazy about her. The gown was gone and she had this tiny, tight red dress on, so simple yet so stunning; it hugged her body so well.
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Her face was glowing, her red lips always smiling as she hugged her what I thought were her parents. Had to be, the woman was crying happy tears and the man looked as proud as ever. Her brown hair was in waves, falling on her back and shoulders and I bet it smelled like flowers and vanilla, as it always did when she was with me.
Something in me told me to approach her and congratulate her. Just congratulate and go, that's it. I was heading towards her when I felt a pat on the shoulder.
''Excuse me, sir?'' a cute voice spoke to me and I looked down to see a small boy look up at me. Next to him was his father. ''Can I please have your autograph?''. The boy was adorable and respectful as fuck.
''He is a big fan of Watchmen and The Walking Dead'' his dad told me, smiling at his son.
''I promise I don't swear like Negan'' the boy said and it brought a real laugh out of me.
''That's very, very good'' I told him as I signed the paper he had in his hand. ''There you go, little dude'' I ruffled his hair.
''Thank you'' he said before saying goodbye and leaving.
Back to what I was about to do. I looked up to see if she was still there and right when I started walking again, eyes on her, a young man ran to her, picked her up and span her around. He had a bouquet of flowers in his hands and after putting her down he kissed her. He fucking kissed her and my heart dropped to my stomach. I felt like sinking yet I stood there frozen and watched her kiss the guy. I felt like I'd seen him before and when he turned around to face Mia's parents I realized it was the boy at the bar, the one Mia was with when I bought her that drink. Fuck.
She looked happy. Her wide smile said it all. Of course she was happy, why wouldn't she? She had just graduated, she was going to be an amazing film editor, she had a boyfriend who was probably head over heels for her...because who wouldn't be? She was the death of every boy and man. There wasn't a reason for her to not be happy.
As I stood there I wondered if I ever crossed her mind randomly from time to time. I wondered if he made her scream in pleasure like I used to. I wondered if she ever thought about that time we made love, about that time I held her during the storm, about the time we talked all night long. When she kissed him again I got my answer; Mia had already forgotten about me.
I turned around and headed to Angela, Mia on my mind. She was going to be stuck in brain forever. Fuck.
