The Face in the Mirror

Chapter Five: Out of the Picture

Edited

I’m ready.

It’s time.

My hands are steady.

And now, it’s not a crime.

It’s only me.

You can have it all:

The power, everything

It’s time for me to fall.

I’ll be left with nothing.

Now, I’ll just leave, crawl [away].

                                                             It’s time for me to go.               

Clearly, it’s easy for you to handle.

I don’t need it anymore: the day.

I don’t want to mangle [it].

There’s nothing left for me to say.

Don’t be afraid.

It’s all for you.

Everything’s already made.

Don’t give up too;

Only I need the blade.

Relax.

It’s all yours now.

I’m already out of the picture.

That’s all I’ve ever been

Allowed.

“That boy is distracting her. I think we need to see how this all plays out before we do anything, all right M? We need Alex to be at her weakest point before this will work properly. I don’t want her noticing me when she thinks I’m not there- that would be disastrous. She can’t know what I- we’re­ planning. Not yet.”

I still can’t help but think about those eyes. That boy. I still don’t know his name. But I can’t understand what his eyes had been doing to me. They had trapped me, made me feel like something- something that mattered.

It was weird. And I can’t forget them; they were just too mesmerizing. And from the looks of things, neither can Charlotte. She didn’t focus on anything the whole time during school. And whenever Olivia or any of our friends tried to ask her something, she could only respond vaguely. It didn’t take a genius to see that she was distracted.

But now, as we lie on the bed in my room, Charlotte’s thoughts were completely closed off to me. I don’t bother asking her anything right now, if she wants me to know, she’ll let me know later. For now, it doesn’t matter.

Besides, I’m just as closed off to her right now. I don’t want her to know what I’m thinking about, same as she doesn’t want me to know what she’s thinking about. I just need to think things over myself, without the added voice of Charlotte barging in on my thoughts. I’m sure she feels the same way.

I’m wondering if there’s a way for Charlotte to completely take over. Is there a way for me to be completely gone? Clearly, Charlotte has done a much better job than I have, and we both know it. Everybody knows it, even my family.

I just…Charlotte does so much of a better job than I do, she deserves it.

I wonder if there is a way, and Charlotte knows about it. I’m sure that is it what she’s always wanted too. Who wouldn’t want to have a life? [ But me; I’m still not sure if I count at all.]

But I can’t help but wonder if my family would notice, and even care that there would be something hugely different, hugely better about me. I know that my brother had noticed, but I don’t know if it really matters to him. Maybe I could talk to Charlotte about that. Maybe I can get her to accommodate him into her packed schedule? I honestly do not know, but I hope that she can.

Faintly, in the back of my mind, I can hear Charlotte mumbling. I’m not really sure what she’s saying, just like earlier. She’s really good at doing that.

“Finally it’ll all be mine.”

“You’re close. But don’t overdo anything.”

~*~

Charlotte has left me alone for the night. I’m surprised; she left a bit earlier than she normally does. I guess she wanted to think things over without me in the back of her head. I wish that she hadn’t. I wanted to talk to her about what I am thinking of. Oh well; I guess that it can wait until later. Besides, I need to really make sure that I want to do it. I think I do, but she needs to know that I can’t completely abandon my family. They will know that something about her is wrong.

I lie in my bed, trying to relax. It’s not working. I don’t know what else I can do. I do not want to go downstairs right now, don’t want to deal with anybody. They don’t need to deal with me. It’s too early for anyone to be asleep, but it’s too late for me to go out anywhere without it being suspicious. And that’s the last thing I need to do, raise suspicion.

I still can’t get that idea out of my head. Charlotte should get more than what she’s been getting from me. The only thing that I can give her is a part of my life while I’m still here. But if I’m not, she’ll get everything that she’s ever wanted.

And I won’t be such a disgrace to anybody anymore. As long as I could watch on from the shadows, it wouldn’t be that bad for me.

I am getting tired of this switching back and forth. It’s time that one of us gains complete control. And I vote for it become Charlotte.

Still, how could we pull this off? Is it even possible? I hope it is. I truly hope so.

There is one thing that I have to finish before I leave though. I need to figure out what is so different about that one boy. Why does he, can he, mess with both Charlotte and I so easily?

If anything, it almost feels like he knows what I’m going through, like he cares.

I sigh. There’s nothing that I can do about that now, anyways. I need to take my mind off of this. As I think that, I realize that, since Charlotte left so hurriedly, we never got the chance to do the rest of my homework. So I pull out my binders- the math binder. It’s the only one that Charlotte has ever had trouble with.

A small, square shaped piece of paper falls out. Curiosity piqued, I reach down to unfold it. There is tiny lettering on it, and I have to squint to read it. My jaw drops, and I have to read the single sentence a few times before I can fully understand what it means.

“Why do you let her do this?”

There is no signature, nothing there to let me know who has written this. But I have a pretty good idea. Nobody has ever taken the time to do something like this, something to let me know that they know. So why should he?

Honestly, I don’t matter enough for that.

Maybe Charlotte does, but I don’t. There is nothing about this note that could have anything to do with her. But he can’t know anything. There is no possible way for that. I’ve never met him before today; I’m sure of that. I would remember that.

He doesn’t know anything about me, about us. This is just a stupid note. It doesn’t mean anything. But I can’t tell Charlotte about this. Even I can see that she’s on edge. I do not want to be the one to set her off.  Still, I can’t shake the feeling that it does mean something, at least to him. It does not mean anything to me, and it never will. I can’t help but think that I’m only trying to convince myself of that.

“How could you let this happen!? No matter what, no doubt can be placed in her mind. And she has doubts now.”

A/N: Anyways, I particularily like this chapter.....Dunno why....But hopefully, you will too!! :D

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XxTheDarkAngelxX