The Face in the Mirror

Chapter Ten: Void

That’s all it is

Life.

Just a huge

Strife

On anyone who has

It.

It causes us all a

Bit

Of pain, enough to make us

Insane

There is no

Mystery

Left, only

Misery

That is all I get.

All

I deserve

Doll

-like, with no

Control

Just like a little

Foal

My life is in your

Hand

I’ve just been

Banned

From it.

Please

Pay my

Fees.

Make me better!

If

Possible, avoid the

Cliff

That I could not

Avoid.

Because that is all it is

[A] Void.

That is all the

Mystery

Please, put me out of my

Misery.

~*~

It is a school day today. I do not want it to be. There is too much going on in my mind for me to even think about, especially if I know that Charlotte will be with me. I need some alone time today. But I can’t have that, at least not at school.

Nevertheless, I stand in front of the mirror, waiting for everything about me to become better.

Charlotte takes a moment to come, but after a moment, she does come, and it’s almost like she was never gone in the first place. All of my insecurities about her fade away the moment she joins me.

She needs me just as much as I need her. I know that. At least, she will until I give it all up.

If I give it all up. I think I will. But who knows? Everything can change in the blink of an eye.

~*~

Charlotte is my safety net. She is the one that keeps me from falling into the void that used to ensnare me. I am not there anymore, simply because of her guidance. I know that for sure.

I should be able to talk to her. I should be able to tell her anything, and vice versa. But right now, it feels like there are more secrets than ever before.

Yeah, I know that we both need our space sometimes. But other times, we share a lot of things. We share a body. Granted, only one of us controls it at any given time, but still. We still share it.

Yet I do not feel like I really know Charlotte. I know that she is a very closed off person, but me of all people should know at least a little bit more about her than anybody else. Shouldn’t I?

Have I ever truly been able to help Charlotte? I mean, yeah, I gave her control of me, but I never really have done anything other than that. I think back harder. There has got to be something that I am just missing. I help Charlotte just as much as she helps me. That just has to be true. Otherwise, what am I really here for?

I know Charlotte and I do not have the best of relationships right now. But we both get along, enough to be there for one another. She is always there for me. I always share my thoughts with her. I try to be there with her. But she is so much more closed off that I will ever be; I am just not that kind of person.

But we do share things. We do. I know that we do; otherwise we would not be where we are today.

I know that she is hiding something from me. Whoever that person was that she was having a conversation with yesterday was someone that I should not have overheard. But I did. And that changes everything.

I hope that she, that they were not discussing me. I feel like they were, but I might be wrong. But let us say for the sake of it that they were not. Then who was that boy they were talking about? And why would Charlotte want to get rid of him?

Thinking about this is causing so many more problems that I would expect. Clearly, Charlotte is much more of a mystery than I could ever hope to unravel.  But I will get down to the bottom of this.

I hope.

~*~

That boy has been looking at me all day long. He has been shooting tiny glances at me out of the corner of his eye, but then shakes his head like he is disappointed, every single time. I am nervous. I want to look down and see what I am wearing, but Charlotte will not do that. She will not allow that to happen; that much I know. She would say something like, “Don’t be too nervous, Alex!”

But I can’t help it.

On the Brightside, at least I do know his name now: Jasper. I heard the teacher calling on him last period.

He glances my way again. Of course, I am not really looking at him, just out of the corner of my eye. It is enough, though, to make me wonder whether or not something is really wrong. I feel like there is. Something wrong, I mean. There has to be.

Why else would he keep on looking over here?

~*~

Jasper said something really strange to me at the end of the day. He said, “I thought that you would do it. Won’t you even bother to try?”

I gasped in my head. Charlotte did not; we just continued walking. I could feel that she was slightly frazzled, but mostly confused.

Wha- Oh.

Charlotte never saw the note. That was all me.

What note?

If I had control of my body right now, I would jump. I take a moment to collect my thoughts. “Nothing Charlotte, just something that I found in one of my binders last week. I don’t even know who gave it to me.”

What did it say?

I take another moment to think about the correct answer to that question. As quickly as I can, I answer. “Basically what he just said right now to you.” I hope she drops the subject.

I breathe a deep sigh of relief once I feel her receding from my head. I think she is still hovering near though, just on the brink of my mind. She’s waiting for me to mess up. I can feel it.