The Face in the Mirror

Chapter Eleven: A Question

Pile up, one on the other

Such a bother

They’re always there

Yet always gone

What do I do?

Sit here and wonder

Let somebody steal my thunder?

No answers anywhere

It’s not fair

They keep on piling up

Just wearing me down,

Day by day

I have no say

In what goes, and what

Stays

Nothing to be found

Are they just bound

To me?

Sworn to follow me?

I hope not

There is a lot

Too much

For me to ask

Just let me bask

In the silence for a little while longer

~*~

I’m racking my brain right now. We have just had dinner, and Charlotte has left me alone for the night. The moment that she left, I searched under my bed until I found the note. Now, I am looking at it, completely and utterly bewildered.

I do not see the correlation between the note and what Jasper said today in school. Yes, I do know that the note is from Jasper. What I do not get is how. But that’s another question for another time.

Right now, I have absolutely no idea what he could even mean. Why do you let her do this to you? I think about the words, run them through my head over and over again. The “her” probably means Charlotte, and the “you” is probably me.

“Why do I let her?” I ask aloud, before answering my own question. “Because, she’s just that much better than me, of course. That is why I let her.”

The words make sense in my head, but once I let them fall, I am not so sure anymore. Something just seems wrong about them. But they are true. I know that. I convinced myself of that so long ago. So why am I second- guessing myself now?

Besides, it is only a matter of time before it all becomes Charlotte’s. I have no reason to be second guessing her, second guessing myself right now. My decision has been made- at least, it had been. But now, I want, need to understand what Jasper has to do with all of this. And my grandmother. Why is she invading my dreams now?

~*~

“You can do it child. You can. You are strong enough. Stop doubting yourself, and listen to me for once. I know that it will be hard to overcome everything, but you can do it. I believe in you. And now, all you have to do is believe in yourself- you can do that. I am sure of it.”

I look, spin around in circles trying to find the person speaking to me. My heart hammers in my chest. There is no one there. There is no one around, yet a voice is echoing throughout the entire room. I do not recognize it. I do not want to hear it again.

“Stop,” I scream! “Stop it! Just leave me alone!”

It is true; I do just want to be left alone. I do not want to deal with anymore of the person speaking. Whoever it is is telling me to give up on Charlotte. I cannot do that. We have spent too long together. We have had each other for so long. I cannot do it without her.