Scrubs and Strollers

9

Ben and Miranda sat and ate Chinese Takeout at Ben's place. She was telling him about all the great things she had been doing at the hospital. She noticed that he had started pulling away from her. Whenever she called to talk to him he would always give a reason why he couldn't talk. She had worried she was losing her friend but this time when she called he answered and offered to have dinner together. However once she arrived at his home, it was clear to her that he was exhausted so they ordered takeout instead.

"You know I could have cooked" Ben yawned

"You're barely able to eat without yawning Ben" She chuckled

"Well yeah Delilah is sleep regressing"

"Wow poor thing"

"Yeah I know I'm exhausted" He yawned

"Benjamin, I meant the baby" She pointed to Delilah in her highchair " She's the one sleep regressing"

"But I'm the one dealing with it"

"I could have let me help you if you picked up the phone"

"Yeah, I know but you've been busy with boys in cement, domino surgeries, interns gone wild, you danced with the idea of plastics, now it sounds like the new Peds attending has her eye on you" Ben was listing all the things Miranda filled him in on regarding her life. He hadn't realized how long he had been avoiding her. But he feared he was getting too close to her. Especially considering he was still having inappropriate dreams about her as if he was some teenaged boy going through puberty. But then he felt an emptiness in his life so he determined he needed her around but he was going to have to find a way to control his thoughts and feelings.

"Don't forget I was almost an accomplice in a murder or maybe it was assisted suicide. Where has my moral compass gone" She sighed and rubbed her face

"The dude was a serial killer, Miranda. And it was for a kid a dying kid. I'm sure there's some type of moral loop hole for that"

"You're always such a look on the bright side kind of guy" She shook her head "But that was a line I never want to cross again"

"In the end it all worked out. Jackson got organs and he is fine"

"Maybe being a mom has clouded my judgement as a surgeon"

"Well I'm not a mom and I'm not so sure I'd be fighting for the life of a serial killer over a little boy"

"You're a dad though" She pointed out

"True. Maybe my judgement is clouded and my moral compass is off too. In that case you aren't alone and don't beat yourself up"

"They tell me I'm meant for Peds"

"Dixon and Robbin are right. You'd do great in Peds"

"But the plan was Chief resident, run general as an attending, and then Chief of Surgery"

"Well maybe the plan can be Chief Resident, run pediatric surgery, Chief of Surgery"

"You really think I belong in peds"

"If anything God forbid ever happens to my kid or any kid I care about. I'd want you as their doctor. You would do anything for your patients. You're scary to adults but soft and cuddly with kids" He chuckled

"But I can't take it when the outcomes aren't good. Adults are sad but the kids are devastating. After Jackson I had to take some time off and that was a good outcome. But Ben I don't know if I'm cut out for that day in and day out. And then come home to my own child. It sounds exhausting"

"Dixon tells it like it is, right? She said you touch the child when you speak, explain conditions to the child, react as if it were your own child. You break protocols. Which is a common thing in pediatrics because protocol changes. In her mind you are not a general surgeon. You're a Peds surgeon and if Dixon said that it's gotta have some truth to it"