College years- lams fanfic

Chapter 20

Trigger warning- Self harm

John POV

Angelica, Eliza, Peggy, Laf and Herc all leave and I'm left alone with Alex. I walk into the bathroom and take out my hair and start to get ready for bed, suddenly Alex runs in and only just makes it to the toilet before throwing up, I quickly walk over and pull back his hair as the continues to throw up. "How are you not sick?" He asks when he finally stops.

I shrug," I didn't actually drink that much." I say and walk out of the bathroom and into the wardrobe.

"John can we talk?" He asks when I come back out.

"About what?" I ask.

"You know what." He says and he's right, I do know but I don't want to face it.

"I don't have anything to say about it." I say

"Well I do, can you please just sit and listen?' He asks.

"Fine."

"First I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so mean and I shouldn't have done it. You were right, our pasts are one of the reasons we work, because we both under stand how hard it is. I still love you and I'll always love you and I'm sorry I don't wanna break up with you," He says.

"Yes you do, you don't just change you're mind about something in 2 hours! I don't wanna be with you knowing you wanted to break up with me but the only reason you didn't was because you felt bad for me! I don't need your pity." I say standing up.

"Damn it John I was stressed and anxious and I wasn't thinking straight!" He says raising his voice.

"You think I wasn't stressed or anxious?! This day has been worse then my whole life! I would rather be stabbed over and over my father then watch you go thought that again but if you were anxious you could have Just talked to me like normal couples do!" I yell matching his tone.

"But we were never a normal couple and never will be! nothing about us is normal, you where supposed to be the one that understood when I wasn't fine even when I said I was!" He shouts back.

"I wanted to talk about it and I tried to be calm but you where the one that started the whole thing! I just wanted to have a calm conversation with my boyfriend! You're acting like I'm the bad guy here, I just wanted to be with you and love you for the rest of my life and I'm sorry but I don't see how that makes this my fault!" I shout. at this point we're both on the verge of tears and both yell, forgetting that it's late and George and Mather are down stairs.

"If we both still love each other what's the problem? why can't we get back together?!"

"The problem is you think we're too fucked up to be in a relationship and your solution to a problem is breaking up! You have no Idea how much it hurt when you said you were breaking up with me, It felt like you had just stabbed me in the heart or like when my mum died. You know better than anyone how much it hurts to lose someone you love then you went and did it to me!' I yell, with tears falling down my face.

"Do you think I wanted to?! Do you think that it didn't destroy me to say that?! Did you every think that maybe the reason I broke up with you and said everything I said was because I'm too scared of losing you?! Charles said you were gonna break up with me because of what he was doing and I believed him so maybe I broke up with you an made excuses so I could at least control how I would loose you!

"I would never break up with you because my Ex kidnapped you! do you really think that little of me? I know all of this is my fault and I know I should've been nicer to you but I can't change anything now can I?!"

"You can change the outcome of this fight..."

"I'm going to bed. Good night Alexander." I say walking over to the bed and getting in. I'm such an idiot. I mean if I love him I should be doing everything to be with him right?

Alex POV

Alexander? ALEXANDER? seriously, he went from calling me a cute nickname to Alex to fucking Alexander, my mother didn't even call me that. He really is mad. I walk into the bathroom and lean against the wall. I look over at the open draw full of my stuff, I see a razor, I haven't used it to hurt myself in years.

The more I think about it the more I want use it. Fuck it. I grab the razor and sit down, I roll up my sleave and cut across my arm, not near any of the major veins so it doesn't bleed to much. It feels good, satisfying even. I cut again and again. I lift up my shirt and start there. Even more satisfying.

I don't realise how long it's been until John call's out, "Alex what the fuck are you doing it's been like half an hour and I wanna turn the light out!" Shit, I can't tell him the truth.

"Uh... okay I'll be out in a sec!" I yell back. I quickly put the razor away and grab some tissues to wipe up the blood then I roll down my sleeves and walk out. "Sorry" I mumble and I get in my side, John turns out the light and rolls over. We're both a lot closer to the edge then usual.

The next morning.

I wake but and I feel something around me. John, oh it's John! I realise I have my arms around him as well and quickly move. I grab my phone and release myself from his grip and walk into the wardrobe to get changed. I walk out and head downstairs.

"Hey, are you okay? We kinda over heard some stuff last night." Mather says sweetly.

"Yeah I'm fine, I don't really wanna talk about it." I say sitting down.

"Okay, do you want some breakfast?" She asks and I nod.

While I'm eating John walks down. Mather and George look at each other awkwardly then at us. "John would you like something to eat?" Mather says again sweetly.

"Yeah thanks that'd be great." He replies and sits on the other side of the table. Soon Mather and George are sitting at the table as well.

"So... the term starts again next week, anyone excited?" George asks awkwardly.

"Yes! It's been so boring with no work to do!" I say and John rolls his eyes, "Sorry did I say something wrong?" I say.

"Well yeah I'm sorry for being normal and wanting to enjoy my holidays without thinking about work, I know you wouldn't understand that though, being all stressed or excited I guess can make you disregard other people completely." He says and I just glare at him.

Herc POV

Me and Laf arrive at the Schuyler's at 10 and I had to basically drag Laf out of bed. Angelica opens the door and we walk in, Eliza's lying down on the couch, probably trying to go back to sleep and Peggy's standing behind the couch hitting her with a pillow.

"Uh Peggy weren't you the one that called us here?" I say and she stops and smiles.

"Oh yeah okay, I have a plan to get Alex and John back together." She says sitting on Eliza's stomach.

"Fuck! Alright I'm up get off me!" Eliza yells and Peggy moves so Eliza can sit up.

"Okay so next week when we're back on campus, Laf you need to request a room change to swap with John and then we're gonna go to a bar and make sure they both get really drunk then go back to one of our rooms and play spin the bottle truth or dare and every time or every second time one of us spins and it lands on either of them we have to make them do something that involves them together, sitting next to each other, making out, hugging what every." She says.

"What if they get suspicious?" Eliza asks.

"Well because we'll be drunk they'll have to be on sober person and they can remind us what to do so if they do ask questions we can say we just forgot about what happened." Peggy replies.

"I think that's a great plan." I say.

We all talk for a while and discuss in more detail what exactly the things we're gonna make them do are. At about 12:30 Me and Laf decide to go home.