june
my heart shattered into a million of pieces. i watched as they escorted joey out of the court room. i bawled my eyes out when the judge said joey was getting the death penalty. dev pulled me into his arms, i sobbed against his shoulder. i could hear him crying a bit too.
i get out of dev's grasp and ran out of the courtroom trying to look for joey. once i spotted him it was too late. he was being walked out of the building by two officers by his side.
"joey!" i shout his name loudly. joey stops for a second and looks over his shoulder. he locks his with mine for a second. his eyes were red and puffy. one of the officers pushed him. he turns his back again and continued walking out of the building, until i finally couldn't see him.
i collapse onto the ground, i cover my face with my hands and sob quietly. i felt someone pull me into their lap, right away i could tell it was dev by his scent. "i can't lose him dev!"
he runs his fingers through my hair. he was being more calmer than me, i guess he just doesn't want to seem like a huge cry baby in front of people. "come on june, we have to go." he whispered into my ear.
i nod slowly, calming down a bit. he stands up first and sticks his hand out for me to take which i do. "june!" i turn around and see soph running towards us.
soph wasn't there for the sentencing, neither was jen which didn't surprise me at all. "did i miss it?" she asked me. i nod. "fuck, i'm so sorry, my parents got into this huge argument about-" she shook her head. "never mind it doesn't matter. what's the verdict? was he found not guilty?"
i stayed silent. dev and i looked at each other before looking over at soph, she had this light in her face and a small toothy grin. it started fading away slowly when her questioned was unanswered. "what happened?" she gulped.
"he was found guilty soph." dev answered, breaking the silence. sophia's smile faded away. "he's getting the death penalty." he adds.
once again i started crying. i couldn't handle being in this conversation again so i walked out of the courthouse. i covered my mouth with my hand as i head out. i stopped in my tracks when i saw jen standing there. she made eye contact with me.
i crossed my arms and broke eye contact. i couldn't look her in the eyes right now, nor did i want to. after all, she is the person to blame for joey getting the death penalty.
soph
"no, no, no, my brother can't get the death penalty!" i shook my head looking at dev in shock. he closed his eyes, a tear ran down his cheek. "i'm so sorry soph." he mumbled.
"what's going on?" i heard my mothers voice come from behind me. i started getting angry, this was her fault. she's the one who called the cops on joey and didn't bother to listen to him. "soph.." i heard her trail off.
"this is your fault!" i turn around to face her. she had a confused expression on her face. "what did i-"
"i'm going to lose my brother because of you, all because of you!" i shout. she flickered her eyes over at dev. i look at them both before scoffing. i push past my mother and head into the restroom.
i close the door behind me and slide down slowly, my back resting against the door. at that moment i bursted into tears. i was losing my brother, the one i loved the most out of my whole family, besides kash.
i can't believe just like that he won't be in my life anymore. our old memories starting flooding back. i thought about how we used to take bubble baths together when we were kids, when we fought over the dumbest things, got high together in our moms car. i was going to miss all of the things we did, mostly importantly i was going to miss him.
joey
i knew i wasn't returning back to my old cell with my old bunk mate. i was going somewhere else, somewhere other prisoners are waiting on death row. i was being isolated from other prisoners, no contact whatsoever. i'm suppose to spend 23 hours in my cell. the bright side was that i was allowed to get visits, one hour visits.
i only saw her two times a week, her visits were the highlight of my week. we weren't allowed to touch, that's what sucked about the visits, we sat on each side of the glass box and talked for what seemed forever.
i've been on death row for two months already, i didn't know when i'd be executed, but i have been told it'd happen in a year. i just hope the longer it takes, the more time i get to spend with june.
she was already seven months pregnant and it killed me not being able to help her raise our son. i felt so much guilt and shame. i wasn't sure if i was still going to be alive after she gives birth, i wasn't sure if i'd ever be able to see him, even just for a glimpse.
i closers my eyes and took a deep breath, i laid there in my cell bed staring up at the ceiling. i started rethinking all my life choices i have made in the past. maybe if i stuck to being a good kid with good grades then maybe i wouldn't be in here getting falsely accused of a crime i didn't commit.
"shower time birlem!" i shot my eyes open and sigh. i sat up slowly and looked over at the door. i saw a guard sitting there holding up some handcuffs. i got up and made my way over to the door. i stuck my arms out for him to handcuff. after he does, i step back a bit and wait for him to open the door. after he does, he grabs my arm and walked with me to the showers.
i strip naked and head in the shower. he walks towards me and uncuffs one of my hands. he then cuffs me to the bar thingy that was by the shower head. i turn on the water and shower immediately since they only gave us five minutes.
"you have a visitor after this so make it quick." i heard him say. i shoot my head towards him and look at him. he was standing by the door, staring at the wall. i already saw june on monday, i wasn't expecting her to come again today since she had an appointment at the doctors today.
after i finished my shower, i dried myself and got dressed. the guard handcuffs my wrists together again and leads me to the visitation room. "booth three." he tells me.
i nod and make my way over to booth three. i stopped in my tracks when i saw dev sitting there. dev hasn't visited me at all, maybe just once the first time but after that he was ghost. maybe it was hard for him or maybe he's just been avoiding me. either way it sucked because i thought he had my back.
i sit down slowly and grabbed the phone. i press it agaisnt my ear and stare at him. "you finally came."
"june said you called asking about me." i nod.
"yeah how else was i suppose to reach the guy who said he'd always stick by my side no matter what right?" he sighs and looks down at his fingers.
"i'm sorry joey." i heard him whisper. "it's just hard seeing you crumble like this." he meets my gaze again. "i just want you to know that no matter what i'm gonna take care of june and your guys son, i promise."
"i know." i interrupt him. "i need you to do two more things for me." he nods and sat up in his seat. "of course joey, anything."
after i told him the last two favors i needed from him, we chatted for a bit more until time was up, it was also the last time i got to see him.
as the months went by, he never came back again, i told him not to anyways. i wasn't going to make him suffer. i jusy hope he'd stick to his word and do what i told him to do.
i kept myself entertained by reading the magazines the guards would occasionally hand out to the prisoners. for once we got to go out for a bit to get some sun. i hung out with some of the prisoners at the yard, they were waiting for their own executions, some were wrongfully convicted as well.
the more time i spend in here, the more i convince myself that maybe i do belong in here.
